MommyCon :: 5 Things New Moms Never Talk About

5 Things New Moms Never Talk About


Welcoming a new baby is one of the most magical seasons of life we’ll ever walk through.
It’s full of awe and warm fuzzies. The oxytocin effect is real, amiright?!

We spend so much time observing these tiny humans, catering to their needs, learning their cues and sounds and faces, and doing everything in our power to make sure that we’re “getting it right”.

Often times new parents find themselves so caught in this time warp of new baby life they begin to ask questions like… “what time is it?” “where am I?” “what’s my name?” “when did I last change my underwear?!”

All jokes aside, while new-baby-life IS magical, there are some aspects of it that leave us feeling like we don’t know who we are and questioning every last ounce of our human abilities, let alone parenting another human.

So I’m here to crack open some of those real, deep feelings that we often don’t talk about out of fear that we may sound like a “terrible” or “ungrateful” parent.

#1 – I’m afraid of what everyone else will think…

99% of the time I sit with new mom’s and talk through their worries about whether or not they’re “doing it right” it’s actually that they’re worried that someone else will think they’re not doing it right. It’s the reality of this “mommy-sphere” we live in via social media that often has such an unhealthy control on how we approach motherhood. We doubt so much of ourselves because we’re worried that we’re not meeting a standard that really isn’t even there.

Mama… you’re doing a great job. I don’t care what Suzy-Lou says about it. You are doing HARD work.

#2 – I can’t do everything… is there something wrong with me?

We live in a space and time where the modern idea of feminism can be both wonderful and debilitating at times. This idea that women can do ANYTHING {which… yes, I believe we can} sometimes makes us feel like we have to do EVERYTHING {which… no, I don’t believe we do}.
Somewhere the notion of being strong and independent became a need to prove that we need no help.

Y’all there are countries that mama’s stay in bed for 40 DAYS after birth. Their support system comes in, feeds, and takes care of them to give them time and space to heal, bond, and find their new normal. Where do I sign up?!

It’s okay if you can’t do everything. If all you managed to do today is feed your baby and look at the insides of your eyelids, that’s okay. Give yourself grace. There’s always room for more grace. We try again tomorrow.

#3 – I can’t stand the idea of being touched anymore…

Whether you’re breast or bottle feeding, co-sleeping or baby is sleeping in their own space, the demand for our arms to be a constant support can be hard. Our babies thrive on affection. We ENJOY the contact and giving them affection but there comes a point where the desire to have a bit of time to have our body space uninvaded is real and needed.

Self-care is important. If we’re giving and giving and giving… it’s going to be REAL hard to keep that up until we stop for a moment and refresh. An empty cup cannot pour out. Take 20 minutes a day to just have body-autonomy. Hands-free, arms free, solo time.

#4 – This new body is so foreign to me…

Birth is a feat like nothing else. Regardless of the avenue of your child’s arrival, your body has conquered great and incredible things. YOU GREW A HUMAN. Just stop right there for a moment and congratulate yourself. Then you brought forth life for that tiny person from your own body.

Your boobs might hurt and look a little lopsided.
Your butt might not fit into your pants the same way.
You might suddenly feel parts of your body you didn’t know you had…

Please be kind and patient with yourself. It takes us 10 months (yes 10!) to get to “the finish line”, it’s going to be a bit before we settle into a new norm. Things may not ever look or feel the same way as before babies came along and they’re not supposed to. But you will find your new normal and I hope beyond hope that you learn to love it. Something I’m still working on 😉 It’s an ever-evolving process.

#5 – I’m not depressed. Am I depressed? No… I’m not. Well… maybe?

This a tough topic that new mamas tend to dwell on but rarely speak out loud. Why? Because our society still tells us that depression and/or anxiety = crazy and that when you’re a new mom, crazy = unfit or dangerous.

STOP.RIGHT.NOW.

If you are in this place, please hear this… you are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not a bad mom. You are human.
If you are working through uncertain feelings or thoughts, please find a system of support. These are HARD conversations, but they are necessary. When we let these big feelings swirl internally they become really big, really fast. Find your safe space and spew, mama. If you don’t have immediate support and you find yourself needing help NOW, please call 1.800.273.8255 or text “Home” to 741741. You can also find amazing resources online at Postpartum Support International.

If you are a partner or family member of a new mama, ask the hard questions and be ready and open to hearing the hard answers. A close system of support is proven to reduce rates of severe postpartum mood disorders and get people the help they need sooner. You are in a powerful and wonderful position to walk through the hard stuff with your loved one.

There are probably a million and one more things that we moms have rolling through our brains at any given moment. Sometimes… #momminainteasy. But ask any mama, and you’ll hear that even on the hardest days it’s always #worthit.

You are an amazing mama. You are my hero. You are gift. And you… you are enough.
You’ve got this mama.
You can do it.
You ARE doing it.

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Hi there! I’m Jess. I’m a wife, mama, homeschooler, and doula. Life is busy in our neck of the woods but we love our time together as a family and do our best to make it all work.

You can find me hanging out on Facebook or Instagram or on my Website
My passion is for educating mothers and families during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum and providing resources for support and encouragement along this wild road of parenthood. Come join us on the journey.