MommyCon :: Why do moms stay in abusive relationships?

Why do moms stay in abusive relationships?


Leaving an abusive relationship isn’t always as easy as packing your bags and leaving.

It’s 7:45am on a sunny spring day. A brisk 62 degrees and sunbeams are coming in through every angle of the house. The kids are arguing about what to wear to school and her husband is about to run out the door.

It’s 7:50am a bowl of cereal is knocked over and screaming ensues. It’s just another day in her house, and she cleans it up. All of a sudden there is screaming again. A lunch isn’t made, the bus is at the door, there are shoes that haven’t been put on.

It’s 7:53am, and she scrambles to get out the door to get to work. Balancing herself, her children’s and her spouse. How does she manage it all.

The clock strikes 8:00am, how much more of this could there be. Her soul is in shatters, tears start welling in her eyes. She has to hold it in. Don’t react. Ignore it. That’s what she has to do.

It’s 8:01am “I love you” she says.

She knows something didn’t get done right, it’s all her fault too. If only she planned better. Her husband wanted chips in his lunch and they were out. Her son didn’t like the underwear he was wearing. Her daughter clings to her leg, but she has to walk out the door so that no one is late.

She knew it was going to happen. There were too many things that went wrong this morning. As the hand came at her, she shifted her face so his palm only hit her cheek. A smack to the face and it’s not even 9:00am. It had been at least a week since the last time this happened. She lovingly said goodbye. At least she wasn’t spit on today.

8:17am her husband leaves the driveway for work.

8:19am the bus pulls away.

8:30am she freshens up and hopes no one notices her puffy red eyes or the handprint on her face.

As she tried to do what was best, she was smacked in the face for not doing it right.

Work.
School.
Errands.
Dinner needs to be cooked now.
A plate is thrown and smashed on the floor.
don’t react. It only gets worse if you react.
A knife is lifted off the table and pointed at her.
Now she has to hide the knives.

She silently wonders what her life has come to. She always was an advocate to leave abusive relationships, but as she lives her own life she can’t leave. She loves them too much.

It’s bedtime now, 8:00pm on the dot, pajamas for everyone. She kisses her husband, and takes the kids to bed.

It’s 10:00pm and everyone is finally asleep. Her mind races. So much to do. The dishes that didn’t get done, hopefully all the pieces of the plate have been picked up. The dog that didn’t get walked is now barking at the backdoor.

Her heart is breaking, and she has to do it all again tomorrow. She cannot leave. She can’t give up on this love. This love is what she wanted her entire life.

You are probably whispering things to yourself about how she should leave. No one deserves to be smacked in the face. Let alone being smacked in the face by someone she loves.

Why doesn’t she leave?

How can she stay in such an abusive relationship?

This mom is among us.

If you read this entire article thinking you wanted to call a crisis line, thank you for having kindness and compassion for that mom. She is hurting, but her facade makes her appear strong. She could really use a hug, a break in her day to know it will be okay, and even if it won’t be, an ear that lends itself to hearing about her day. her life. her story.

Chances are she won’t talk much, she will be scared to be judged. She is scared of the future. The someone she loves is her child, she has to be there for them. They are her world. The precious little being that spits, hits, smacks and screams also brings the greatest amount of joy into her world. She cannot escape the abuse, because she loves her child so.

If you know a mother with a special needs child that has a cognitive or behavioral disorder, reach out to her today. I can guarantee she won’t say no to a conversation that doesn’t involve the 1000 hours of therapy her child is in.

 

Resources

Respite Guide for Children

7 Signs of Caregiver Burnout as a Special Needs Parent

What About Your Special Needs? Self-Care for Parents of Children With Special Needs